Headline of the Day

Republicans Unveil Secret Midterm Weapon, It Is Hasan Piker’s Dinglesmackus

—Wonkette, on the decision by Republicans to post a thirst trap picture of Hasan Piker on the Jumbotron at their mid term convention.

I'll be honest here, I am posting this because they used the term, "Dinglesmackus," in the title, and it made me laugh.

That term is almost as epic asd the term, "Snollygoster." 

It turns out that the mid term convention that they held in Dallas may go into the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's largest closet. 

If you follow American politics closely, you may remember two minutes ago, when the most important question for serious journalists to ask Democrats was “How old were you when you gay married Hasan Piker on a bed of rose petals while reading Jeremiah Wright sermons to each other sexually?” If you were Dana Bash or Kristen Welker or Jake Tapper or Axios or whoever, this was the most important issue, and the only question you had for Democrats, even Democrats who had nothing to do with the Twitch streamer named Hasan Piker, who had never heard of him.

They had no similar questions for Republicans about their actual associations and money-taking from actual Nazis and trillionaire antisemites, because Beltway journalists and New York Times reporters know the DC party invites dry up during fascist administrations if they stop licking fascist balls for one second.

This doesn’t happen to them during Democratic administrations because if there is one thing that is true about American politics it is that Democrats are desperate for the media to think they’re cool, while the media is desperate for Republicans to think they’re cool. Like so, the pattern of abuse perpetuates itself. Maybe some of these new crop of Team Fight Democrats can break the cycle.

But two minutes ago, or last night, at the sold-out Trump Republican Midterm Convention (many tickets still available), Republicans revealed their secret weapon for the midterms, which changed everything, and it was a thirst trap of Hasan Piker’s willysmacker on the Jumbotron:

Y’all.

[image or embed]

— The Tennessee Holler (@thetnholler.bsky.social) September 9, 2026 at 8:14 PM

………

So this is hilarious, and Christ, Republicans are so weird and unable to hide their bizarre psychosexual issues for even one fucking second. As you can see in the Piker livestream clip, this all happened during a scare montage about tHe rAdiCAl LeFt, and it was all communism! and China! and trans kids playing teeball! and then suddenly on the screen there was Hasan Piker in his underpants in a selfie he posted on Instagram.

This was supposed to prove … something? But what it really showed was that a really big part of what Republicans hate about Hasan Piker, what really grinds their gears, what they hate about Abdul El-Sayed, what they hate about Zohran Mamdani, Jon Ossoff, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, is that they are hot and Republicans really really really really really really really want to fuck them. And that makes Republicans seethe with rage and jealousy, and it makes them hate themselves even more than they usually do, which is a lot.

 These are very weird people.

For Your Consideration

I give you Zapp Hegseth:

Omg 🤣 pic.twitter.com/Vhw3H8RCYo

— Ingrid Guthrie (@IngGuthrie) September 10, 2026

Yes, I know. That which is seen cannot be unseen.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

I get that recruiting at the FBI is not what it once was, but recruiting people who frequent prostitutes and f%$# animals seems to be desparation.

Worst timeline ever, 

Kash Patel's FBI is being pilloried online after a new report revealed the bureau quietly loosened the vetting standards that once automatically disqualified applicants who had hired sex workers, stolen from an employer or engaged in bestiality.

According to CBS News, the FBI in June eased some background check rules so that those acts, most of them illegal, are no longer instant disqualifiers for would-be agents. A candidate may now get a pass on prostitution as long as they did not hire sex workers three or more times and not within the past decade, and someone who committed bestiality as a minor could still make the cut, sources told the outlet.

The change comes as the FBI lost more than 1,000 special agents in 2025, part of an exodus of firings, forced retirements and polygraphs since Trump returned to power. Critics say the loosened rules point to a recruiting crisis.

"How can this not be reflective of a recruiting problem at the FBI if you are lowering your standards on issues like bestiality and prostitution?" attorney Mark Zaid told CBS.

Only the very best people?

Human Sacrifice, Dogs and Cats Living Together, Mass Hysteria!

That's a fine looking flying squid And now we have Neon Flying Squids.

This is a harbinger of something, and I do not think that it will end well.

On a research vessel 15 years ago, a group of Japanese scientists documented something that had only previously been described by startled sailors to disbelieving listeners. They saw a formation of squid flying through the air.

The shoal of about 100 squid rose unexpectedly from a patch of the Pacific Ocean around 370 miles from Tokyo and glided near the boat for about 30 metres. The astonished researchers were the first to capture photographs of such a thing, which looked like the early stages of an alien invasion.

They were probably neon flying squid (Ommastrephes bartramii), the subsequent study states, a species that is part of a 20-strong flying squid family that was known to leap from the water but, until then, was only rumoured to also be able to glide above it.

The neon flying squid was able to gain such elevation by using the hyponome, a funnel-like muscular organ also present in other cephalopods, such as octopuses. The organ is able to force water out in a jet, propelling the body along both in and out of the sea. Photographs of the gliding squid show them with their arms (they have 10 limbs in all) splayed outwards.

Neon flying squid are about the length of a rolling pin and tend to gather near the surface to feed upon fish and crustaceans. It’s unclear exactly why they would fly in unison in this way, with one possible explanation being that they were evading a predator, such as a shark.

This is some seriously weird sh%$.

Today in Weird

Man arrested after dressing up in 'Grim Reaper' costume on hospital roof and staring at patients

—The Mirror

This does seem just a bit surreal.

If someone among my reader(s) is aware of the back-story, I would appreciate hearing about it. 

H/T Comic Sands.

Wait, Wut?

New on the list of things we really don't need is a digital cassette tape simulator.

Because I guess some people's lives are so empty that they have to relive the era of using a pencil eraser to rewind tapes. (F%$#, I'm old)

If you have wistful longings for the days when your songs carried the subtle hiss of the cassettes you listened to, we have some reel good news. A new project takes modern music back to the analog era.

The project, available on GitHub, is called "Audio Cassette Simulation" and uses FFmpeg to transcode audio files to get that "wish I'd bought some decent tapes instead of the superstore's own-brand" sound.

The repository includes simulations of BASF LH Extra C90, Maxell UD C90, Sony CHF60 Type I Normal, Sony CHF90, TDK D90, and even Soviet MK-60 tape. Navigate to the appropriate cassette folder using bash, then run the conversion code (or use it to convert a live stream).

The output is dumped into a ./out folder for a bit of retro enjoyment.

According to the README, "This project simulates cassette tape audio profiles using ffmpeg.

"It applies tape noise, wow and flutter pitch modulation, bandwidth limits, and equalizer adjustments."

I know that I am lame, just ask my kids, but I take comfort in the fact that I am not THIS lame. 

Headline of the Day

Penis Costume Protester Prevails in Court

—Courthouse News Service

Yeah, I know this is from April, I was doing some bloggy house cleaning, and came across it again.

One could call it a, ahem, hard case. But ultimately, an Alabama judge found, not hard enough.

Fairhope Municipal Judge Haymes Snedeker acquitted Renea Gamble Wednesday of all remaining misdemeanor charges stemming from her decision to wear a inflatable 7-foot penis costume at an anti-Trump “No Kings” protest in October 2025.

Gamble walked out of the courtroom after three hours of testimony cleared of any wrongdoing, but her attorney said her arrest was traumatizing and she may consider legal recourse.

Seriously, in a nation of truck nuts, how is this an arrestable offense? 

The Banality of Corruption

Have you heard the one about Trump's teleprompter operator made 6 figures insider trading on Kalshi?

No, this is not the introduction to a joke. This really happened.

Donald Trump’s longtime teleprompter operator has been placed on administrative leave, the White House said on Thursday, after reports that he used his position to win $100,000 by placing bets on the president’s speeches using the online prediction market Kalshi.

The White House press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, said the president had been informed about the situation, which she described as “deeply unfortunate and frankly a disgrace”.

Yeah, who does he think that he is?  Jared Kushner?

 

Osama Take Me Now!

So, there I am, just browsing the news, and I come across this headline: 

The AI Bubble Has Become So Surreal That It's Now Propping Up the Toilet Industry

Please, make it stop. 

Do Not F%$# With Corvidae

In case you are wondering, this is not a crow taking a ride on a Bald Eagle, it is a crow going Medieval on a Bald Eagle that got too close to its nest.

………

Now comes another strange incident out of Seabeck, Washington, where California-based photographer Phoo Chan captured a sequence of photos showing a crow alight on the back of an eagle in midair.

According to a biologist who specializes in crow behavior, the bird was likely in the middle of a territorial attack when it landed briefly on the eagle's back, National Geographic reports. Even the presence of a larger bird provokes a defensive reaction. In this case, the crow got closer than smaller birds typically do and settled in for the ride. 

That is unbelievably badass. 

I Did Not Think That it Was Possible

I have had no personal or professional encounters with Linus Torvalds, but I am aware of his "Take no crap attitude, which rivals that of the much memed Honey Badger.

When he says that he will, "Start being more hard-nosed," regarding pulls from the Linux kernel, my first reaction was disbelief.

This is NOT a man known for suffering fools gladly. 

Linux kernel boss Linus Torvalds has signaled he’ll push back when he receives irrelevant pull requests, after complaining that developers are making badly timed and trivial submissions, sometimes after using AI to review code.

Torvalds foreshadowed changes in his weekly state of the kernel update, which on Sunday announced the release of a fifth release candidate for version 7.1 of the Linux kernel.

“To the surprise of absolutely nobody by now, rc5 is pretty big. Quite a bit bigger than rc5's have traditionally been,” Torvalds wrote, before revealing “I'm not entirely happy about it - most of this is totally trivial stuff to random drivers, which obviously makes it all less scary, but at the same time I'm really not convinced the churn is worth it at rc5 time.”

The Linux kernel development cycle usually sees Torvalds open a two-week window during which contributors submit code they hope will make it into the next release. Seven release candidates (rc1-7) follow, with each supposed to represent a step towards delivering a stable update. Revised code always arrives during that process. But high volumes of new contributions to rc5 add complexity at a time work on the new kernel is usually close to completion.

this boggles the mind.

There is Fail, There is F%$#ing Fail, and then there is

Fail so bad that Ted Cruz condemns your actions.

America's most loathsome Senator has condemned the FCC for its witch hunt against Jimmy Kimmel.

Jimmy Kimmel has acquired an unexpected defender amid his feud with Donald Trump: Texas Sen. Ted Cruz.

The MAGA Republican, who famously clashed with the president during the 2016 primaries before supporting him, bashed the administration’s attempts to pressure Disney and ABC News into firing Kimmel.

“It is not the government’s job to censor speech, and I do not believe the FCC should operate as the speech police,” Cruz told Punchbowl News of the Federal Communication Commission’s move to force ABC to file for license renewals.

Stopped clock time, I guess. 

Osama Take Me Now

Welp, this has never happened to me before but an artist has issued a takedown notice on my most recent video on YouTube in what is in my opinion a comically obvious case of fair use, and you will never guess which band it is.

[image or embed]

— Lindsay Ellis (@lindsayellis.bsky.social) May 1, 2026 at 2:42 PM

Seriously, the Grateful Dead Issued the Take-Down?

Look closely.

Yes, the Grateful Dead, the band who was so supportive of home tapers that they sometimes allowed people to plug their recorders into the mixing board at concerts, is issuing a copyright take-down for what is obviously fair use.

This is the biggest mind-f%$# that I have seen so far this year, and we are living under the Trump administration.

I'm pretty sure that the residents of Bizarro World are looking at us right now and saying, "They am so stupid."

Seriously, stop the world, I want to get off. 

At Least There is Symmetry

I had to include this


Zathras says A multi-millionaire big game hunter, whose home was festooned with trophies, was trampled to death by elephants.

An American millionaire big-game hunter has died after being crushed by a group of elephants during a hunting expedition in Gabon.

Ernie Dosio, a 75-year-old vineyard owner, was hunting yellow-backed duiker, an antelope species, in the central African country of Gabon when the incident occurred last Friday. While in the Lope-Okanda rainforest, he and his guide unexpectedly came across five female elephants accompanied by a calf.

Originally from Lodi, California, Dosio had built an extensive collection of hunting trophies over the years, including animals such as elephants and lions. He was reportedly a familiar name within the Sacramento Safari Club.

God has a peculiar sense of humor. 

 

Name the Star Trek Actor

Spoiler: It's Iggy Pop, (highlight to find out) who is looking more respectable than I had previously thought possible for him.

My mind is officially blown.

Also, he just turned 79, so I feel old.

Well, This Was Not on My F%$#ing Bingo Card

Byron Noem, husband, and cuck, of former DHS Secretary Kristi Noem, has been exposed as a cross dressing "Bimboification" fetishist.

Not that there is anything wrong with that. 

I'm just a surprised, even though I have said time and time again that every one of their accusations is a confession.

In the spectrum of creepy GOP sleaze, this one is up there with the Jerry Falwell ally who  died in bizarre auto-asphyxia accident involving a closet, wet suits (plural),  and a dildo in his anus. 

Clearly, fiction writers are going to have a problem writing something weirder than this. 

Kristi Noem's husband is today revealed as a secret cross-dresser who dons gigantic fake breasts and pink hotpants to chat with online fetish models.

While his wife has operated at the highest echelons of government, handling matters of national security in her recent role as secretary of homeland security, Bryon Noem, 56, has been dressing up and paying adult entertainers to talk dirty.

The Daily Mail has reviewed hundreds of messages involving three women from the 'bimbofication' scene – where porn performers transform themselves into real-life Barbie dolls by pumping colossal amounts of saline into their breasts.

Bryon has lavished praise on their surgically enhanced bodies, confessed his lust for 'huge, huge ridiculous boobs,' and even made indiscreet remarks about his 34-year marriage to Kristi, our investigation can exclusively disclose.

National Security experts consulted by the Daily Mail said his brazen behavior could have left the 54-year-old MAGA favorite, who oversaw ICE's aggressive crackdown until she was removed from her position on March 5, vulnerable to blackmail.

If you are worried about vulnarability to blackmail, perhaps Kristi Noem's affair with Cory Lewandoski, or her bragging about shooting a puppy.

Those are kind of red flags to a lot of security folks. 

As an FYI, there are some pictures at The Mail, but I am not sharing them here.

Also, this is not an April Fools joke. 

There Has Already Been the Bear Movie

And now we have to deal with cocaine sharks.

I hate remakes.

The expression “coked to the gills” has never been more apt.

Scientists from Brazil have discovered that sharks swimming in the Bahamas are testing positive for a potpourri of substances, ranging from caffeine to cocaine and painkillers — as if they, too, are ready for a party in an island paradise.

The implications of the findings, detailed in a study in the journal Environmental Pollution, make for quite the comedown. That the substances are turning up in detectable quantities in sharks points to an “urgent need to address marine pollution in ecosystems often perceived as pristine,” the authors warned in the study, with divers in the area being the most likely culprit.

The first urgent need is to keep cocaine sharks from completely losing their sh%$.

It will make Sharknado look like a trip to the kiddie pool. 

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

This time it comes from France, where the headline, "Murder trial involving Freemasons, French secret agents opens in Paris court," caught my eye.

It seems to me that  Masons in Europe are not the guys in Fez hats (Shriners) that we see in the United States. 

In Europe, at least on the Continent, you have murders, lodges that have brought down governments, and the occasional terrorist bombing.  (See the P2 Lodge)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Twenty-two people went on trial in France on Monday on charges of murder and other serious crimes centred on members of a Masonic lodge accused of running hit squads.

Thirteen of the defendants face life imprisonment.

Those in the dock include four military personnel from France's foreign intelligence service (DGSE), two police officers, a retired domestic intelligence officer, a security guard and two business executives.

They are accused of the murder of a racing driver, the attempted murders of a business coach and a trade unionist, aggravated assault and criminal conspiracy – all on behalf of a mafia network inside the former Athanor Masonic Lodge in the Paris suburb of Puteaux.

………

The alleged ringleaders are Athanor Freemasons Jean-Luc Bagur, Frédéric Vaglio and Daniel Beaulieu. They face life in jail if convicted.

So does Beaulieu's right-hand man Sébastien Leroy, who is accused of carrying out the trio's dirty work himself or through a hit-man network.

The case was triggered by a botched contract killing in July 2020, when two members of France's parachute regiment were arrested in possession of weapons near the home of business coach Marie-Hélène Dini.

Under questioning, they said they thought they had been asked to murder Dini on behalf of the French state on the grounds that she worked for Israeli spy agency Mossad.

Whoever has the tinfoil hat concession for this trial will make out like a reped ape.

 

Like Robert Hooke on Acid

This apparatus is a profound mind-f%$#.

It is fascinating, though I'm not sure of its strength or its physical robustness. 

^*Robert Hooke was a 17^th century physicist, astronomer, etc. who is credited with inventing the univerals joint.

Headline of the Day

Drinking in Country Music: Are Whiskey Songs Going Away?

— Rolling Stone, discussing how a decrees in drinking has effected the genre.

The subhed says it all, "In Nashville, some are wondering how a decline in drinking may affect artists’ own liquor brands and the songs they sing. “There are more weed songs for sure,” says one songwriter." 

I did not predict this.  My prediction was that AI and self-driving cars would lead to country songs about your pickup truck leaving you. 

Unsurprisingly, Willie Nelson is promoting a THC tonic.