Breaking News: Wall Street Salary Caps Drive Away Assholes!

From the ever reliable Andy Borowitz:

As the federal government moves to institute salary caps for Wall Street executives, an increasing number of assholes are seeking employment elsewhere, a study confirmed today.

According to the report commissioned by the University of Minnesota's School of Business, at a time when the economy needs experienced hands at the tiller, some of the financial world's best-trained dickwads are fleeing the ship.

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I need a screen wipe.