The RMS Titanic Could Have Told You, the Icebert (lettuce) Always Wins

The Daily Star lettuce has come out victorious in the battle of the year - to see whether it could outlast Prime Minister Liz Truss in #LizVsLettuce

[THREAD] pic.twitter.com/sP7QDgqcfr

— Daily Star (@dailystar) October 20, 2022

Harsh

So, Liz Truss has tendered her resignation to King Charles after showing herself to be even more hapless than Boris Johnson, who is considering another run at being Prime Minister:

A wilting 60p iceberg lettuce from Tesco in a blond wig has been crowned the winner of a bizarre competition after outlasting Liz Truss’s tenuous grip on power.

Seven days ago the Daily Star set up a webcam on the lettuce to see if it would have a longer shelf-life than the prime minister. To add to Truss’s humiliating resignation, the lettuce won.

As Truss made her resignation statement, those viewing the video on YouTube soared to more than 20,000.

When the prime minister confirmed her departure on Thursday lunchtime, a plastic gold crown was placed on the now browning leafy vegetable. The caption changed from “Day Seven: Will Liz Truss outlast his lettuce?” to “The Lettuce Outlasted Liz Truss”. The national anthem was played to mark the lettuce’s triumph, and champagne was poured.

The lettuce was inundated with messages of congratulations, in a chat box beside the video. They included: “Lettuce Rejoice”, “Lettuce being having you”, “Lettuce for PM”, “Lettuce 1 Truss 0”, “Truss sunk by an iceberg”.

When I joked that the Tories had replaced Boris Johnson with something even more bizarrely inexplicable, my intent was to make a joke, not to engage in prophecy. 

Just call me nostra-dumbass.