21 March 2022

The Greatest Living Baltimorean (It Ain't David Hasselhoff)

The Charm City has been the birthplace of many remarkable people, and the evaluation of those past is really beyond my ken, so my declaration excludes people like Thurgood Marshall, H. L. Mencken, Upton Sinclair, Henrietta Szold, George Herman "Babe" Ruth, Emily Post, and Frank Zappa. 

What I can state with complete confidence is that is the greatest Baltimorean alive today, as this wide ranging interview with the New York Times, clearly shows.

It begins promisingly, when Waters, with his characteristic modesty, says, "The mainstream has in the last 10 years begun to accept me, for reasons I’m not sure I understand. Maybe because they can’t get rid of me."

(Reformatted for readability, interviewer in italics Waters in bold)

You used to get in trouble for what your movies showed, like lobster rape or eating poop, and not so much for their ideas. Now it seems as if a filmmaker is more likely to make people upset by expressing objectionable ideas rather than anything they might depict. What do you make of that shift? Do you think that shift — 

Did you say “that shift” or “that [expletive]”? 

You decide. 

Shift, with an “f.” I’m happy at the social change, the craziness of it. The main difference, though, is when I was young — and I hate people that say that; it means you’re old — we used political incorrectness as a weapon against our enemies, but we made fun of ourselves first. The trigger-warning crowd does not make fun. I’m actually for going further: We should have fecal mobs go out and perform turd terrorism to prove that we’re serious about policing pronouns. The Jan. 6 people, they [expletive] in Nancy Pelosi’s office. So maybe we should go even crazier politically correct the other way and have fecal flash mobs going out there.

………

What about when people become pariahs for things that are outside the work? Which has happened to folks you’ve worked with — Johnny Depp, for example. What’s your view of that?  

It’s a good thing we are not going retroactive here because practically every artist would be canceled. I have a thing about who I would cancel: J.K. Rowling. Give her some Preparation H for that transphobia. What’s the matter with her? There are people I would like to cancel, but at the same time I’m saying it humorously. I’m not going to go through each person who’s been canceled and say what I think, but I never saw Johnny Depp act negatively to a woman in my entire life — and I did drugs and got drunk with him.  

……… 

Do you see differences in the way those on the left and on the right try to provoke each other? 

The right used to be my censors. They aren’t anymore. I don’t have any. If I did, it would be young woke liberals. But I always try to use humor to put everything in perspective because I question my own values. Why is this OK and that isn’t? The only way you can do that is with humor.  

………

What makes you personally uncomfortable?

Nothing makes me totally uncomfortable. 

Any obsessions or fetishes that you feel guilty about? 

You think I would tell you?  

………

Do you think young filmmakers are still interested in making feature-length films that shock? 

What is shocking to me is that they’re not interested in art movies. They want to go to a mall. They want to sit in stadium seating. They want special effects. To me, cheesy special effects are much more fun than these new ones. I’m in the minority here obviously. That’s why I write books. But Criterion keeps putting my stuff out. It’s easier to see my work than ever. “Pink Flamingos” probably violates more values now than it did then. 

………

I know that being a defense lawyer is your fantasy alternative career. Why that job? 

Because somebody has to stick up for the worst people in the world. They weren’t born bad. I don’t believe anyone was born bad. The mystery is people’s behavior. I’m fascinated by people’s behavior, especially people I can’t understand. Being a lawyer would be a way to be obsessive about it: It’s your job. Otherwise you’re just a crime groupie hanging around courthouses.

John Waters is a national treasure, and the President should award him the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

Bestowing this on him would horrify some people, but none more than John Waters himself.

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