Adventures in Dad Humor

I was in the Sukkah, doing kiddush, and it came time to say a blessing on the bread.  (Hamotzi)

After that, I asked where the knife was to cut the roll, and Sharon^* said, "Just tear up the roll."

So, I scowled at the roll, and shouted at it, "You're ugly, and your mom dresses you funny."

Minor mirth ensued.

^*Love of my life, light of the  cosmos, she  who must be obeyed, my wife.