I Love This

It's an all too common story, Nigel Farage conceals a multi-million Pound payoff gift from a crypto billionaire friend, and when Parliament starts looking into it, he resigns and announces that he will run for again in the by-election to replace himself.

The established political parties see this as a transparent political stunt, and so will not be putting forward a candidate to stand for election.

There is a candidate running against him, Count Binface, a perennial parody candidate whose platform includes, among other things, "Moving the hand dryer in the men's toilet at Uxbridge's Crown and Treaty pub to a more sensible position."

While it is almost certain that, for the first time ever, Count Binface will get his deposit back. the UK requires a £500.00 deposit to be refunded if the candidate gets more than 5% of the vote, to stand for election.

It also makes a mockery of the racist charlatan Farage. 

What had been an opportunity for self-aggrandizement is now a battle that he can only lose, because there is no way that he cannot underperform in the elction. 

Count Binface had been looking forward to a relaxing journey back to his home planet of Sigma IX when Nigel Farage dropped a political bombshell on Tuesday.

Instead, Britain’s hottest new political property said he was left with no choice but to perform a swift intergalactic handbrake turn when news broke that Farage had resigned as MP for Clacton, triggering the possibility of a byelection in the English coastal constituency he has represented since 2024.

Farage, the leader of the rightwing populist Reform UK party, has been accused of using the poll to shake off a deepening scandal over financial gifts he has received. But the plan appears to have backfired after his main rivals announced they would boycott the byelection. The Clacton byelection is now likely to be a two-man race between the Reform leader and Binface.

“I didn’t know old Farage was going to self detonate … did I?” said Binface, a veteran of British elections, where the parody candidate is something of a mainstay.The 5,900-year-old leader of the Recyclons is the creation of Jon Harvey, a comedian from Lewisham in south-east London, who has run against former prime ministers including Rishi Sunak and Boris Johnson, as well as Theresa May in his previous incarnation as Lord Buckethead.

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He said that he had been inundated over the past 48 hours with emails and messages from Binface activists offering to knock on doors and deliver leaflets on his behalf in what could yet emerge as an electoral shock on a par with when Hartlepool United’s mascot, H’Angus the Monkey, was elected as mayor of the northern English town.