Too Soon?

Question, which of these 4 don't belong: 

1. HIV. 
2. Herpes. 
3. Gonorrhea. 
4. A condo in Surfside, Florida. 

Answer: Number 3, Gonorrhea, because you can get rid of Gonorrhea.

OK, This is Funny.

It's cruel, and crass, but today's joke from Least I Could Do is really damn funny.

I would argue that of the Prince Philip funereal jokes, this one is the best.

To state the blatantly obvious, it's funny to make jokes about creatng a fake Tinder profile for Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor, but it is most assuredly NOT funny to actually make such a profile on Tinder.

It is even less funny to make a fake Grindr profile for Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor.

As an aside, does anyone know that the statute of limitations is for Lèse-majesté laws in the UK?

Tweet of the Day

worst
kiddush
ever pic.twitter.com/HJPq2Z6tPw

— black, booked & busy (@mordkhetzvi) January 15, 2019

Some context, if you don't get it, Donald Trump hosted a meet and eat with the NCAA football champions, and served them fast food on a silver service with candles.

I Think that I Saw This Dr. Who Episode

Break Out the Sonic Screwdriver

It appears that the Gell Guards have taken over the White House.

It's either that, or the person decorating the White House has the creepiest sense of style ever.

Wait ……… This just in ……… It's the creepiest sense of style ever:

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something filled with the coagulating blood of one’s enemies. The Trump household apparently wasn’t content turning the White House into a dark alternate dimension where all hope dies for just one year—this house of horrors has now become an annual holiday tradition.

The White House has shared an official look at First Lady Melania Trump’s latest holiday decor at the White House. Last year, Mrs. “Be Best” turned the hallways of the presidential residence into a living nightmare straight out of Get Out or Voldemort’s bathroom. Shadowy branches crept over the walls, reaching forth to suck out the souls of anyone who dared trespass the darkened walkway. This year, she’s changing it up a bit with some good old-fashioned blood cones.

Shudder………

This is Just Sick

Ummm ……… Ewwwwww!

I understand that the nature of military tends to be manifest in some level of irreverence towards the realities of war, but dressing up like Santa Claus to drop bombs on people is a whole new world of tasteless:

Islamic State got no reprieve from American pilots over the 2016 Christmas holiday. U.S. aviators delivered bombs rather than presents to the terrorist group in the Middle East.

On Dec. 26, 2016, the U.S. Air Force released two pictures of an F-16 from the Vermont Air National Guard’s 134th Fighter Squadron on a mission over Iraq or Syria. Over the Christmas weekend, members squadron were flying strikes against Islamic State from Al Dhafra Air Base in the United Arab Emirates.

The jet had a full load of eight GPS-guided Small Diameter Bombs under its wings along with air-to-air missiles for self defense. But the most eye-catching detail was an unusual piece of gear the pilot was wearing — an iconic red-and-white hat over his or her helmet.

“F-16s are providing … close air support during Combined Joint Task Force-Operation Inherent Resolve, a multinational effort to weaken and destroy Islamic State,” the official caption explained.

“Many pilots wore a traditional red ‘Santa’ hat while flying on Christmas Day.”

Rudolph with your bomb so bright, won't you bomb some Daesh tonight.

Today in Completely Tasteless and Offensive Crap

Oh, my f%$#ing God, It's Real!

Performing a Holocaust themed skating routine, complete with striped uniforms and yellow stars:

The wife of Russian President Vladimir Putin’s chief spokesman, Dmitry Peskov, sparked outrage on social media by performing a Holocaust-themed ice skating routine that quickly went viral.

Tatiana Navka, a former Olympic figure skating champion, performed with actor Andrey Burkovsky, each wearing concentration camp uniforms and yellow Stars of David.

The two skated to the song “Beautiful That Way,” by Israeli singer Achinoam “Noa” Nini. The song was featured in a 1997 Italian-language Oscar-winning Holocaust film, which Navka said was the inspiration for the performance. She also said in an Instagram post that she wanted the performance to teach children about the Holocaust.

I have no words.

Deep Thought

When I did that post on German soccer snark, I used Google images to look for Rufus from the animated series Kim Possible for my "Worlds hairiest naked mole rat," snark.

I searched on the words, "naked mole rat kim possible," because I had forgot the rats name.

Don't ever, Ever, search on the the words, "naked mole rat kim possible," on Google images.

**shudder**

Huh I Did Not Know This

May is International Masturbation Month.

Not a joke.

In honor of this, I have typed this post with one hand.

Worst Marketing Decsion Ever

Worst Marketing Decision Ever: Drycleaner Puts "Pro-life" Message on Their Hangers



Yes, this is real.

So, How Was Your Date With Shrek?

H/t DC at the Stellar Parthenon BBS, both for the pic, and the basic joke.

Deep Thought

Yes, I know, it is completely tasteless humor.

Click picture for source.

Deep Thought

There is no oil spill in the Gulf.

BP has just decided to enter the market for sunscreen on a huge scale.

I Know That This Is Offensive………

But I cannot stop laughing.

I Guess That He Picked Up His Understated Taste in America's Heartland

Click for full size

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Jeebus, it couldn't be any tackier if you added velvet Elvises

Because, Rush Limbaugh's former New York City apartment is truly a study of prudence and thrift.

And such a steal, at only $13.95 million dollars.

About the Killer Whale Death

That's a seal in its mouth

It is clearly a tragedy that a SeaWorld trainer was killed by an Orca.

This is a reminder that when you see someone working with a large predator, whether it is Sigfried and Roy and their tigers, or if it's SeaWorld's killer whales, these are still wild animals, and there is danger whenever you interact with a large predator.

The whale, Tilikum, after all, weighs over 6 tons.

One report (at link) has the whale grabbing the trainer, Dawn Brancheau, by pony tail, and the initial coroner's report lists drowning as the primary cause of death.

That being said, all cetaceans are highly intelligent, social creatures, and it is possible that the death was as a result of a purely social interaction that it did not realize was harmful.

He could simply have been playing the game with a…

…wait for it…

…wait for it…

…wait for it…

…wait for it…

Chum

I am a very bad person.

The Worst Tattoo Ever

Yep, that title aptly descruibes this.

Great googly moogly.

Friday, "Man, that is One Un-Hip Cat" Blogging

Juxtaposing Rudy Giuliani and Nipple Clamps

The Dependable Renegade (completely work safe, but don't drink while the site loads).

It appears that everyone on the internet can make better jokes than I can.

Tata Motors to Purchase Jaguar

So it appears that Ford will sell Jaguar and Rover to Tata Motors in India.

When I heard about this, I flashed back to the otherwise forgettable movie, Crazy People, in which Dudley Moore plays an advertising man who flips out, and starts writing completely honest ads.

He does one for Jaguar, he does one that goes:

Jaguar... For guys who want handjobs from beautiful women they hardly know (with accompanying "Yes! I want a hand job!" tear off flyers).

Somehow the juxtaposition of Jaguar and Tata leads me to places I should not be going.

Thankfully, a friend helped (thanks Asta), and I can now conclusively say that their next car will be called the.....


Wait for it.....


Wait for it....


The Bodacious Tata!

Sick Product

I never knew that there was such a thing as a pencil geek, but I found one, and he shows us the world's most disturbing pencil sharpener.